Daycare

Today we went into the daycare center and checked it out. It was a zoo of children and I thank the lord I am not a preschool teacher or a daycare worker. Surprisingly the place wasn't chaotic. The kids were all being called by name by all the teachers and they were very well behaved. They were listening to some guy that comes in and plays tunes on his guitar and sings with them. The infant to 1 year old portion is under remodeling so we visited the temporary home for the little ones. I think I was overwhelmed. I had so many questions but couldn't think to ask any at the time.

I am going to go in the Friday and Monday before I return to work to ask questions, let the workers get to know Miller, and get his stuff ready for him on Tuesday. The teachers also encouraged me to do it for the fact they know new moms are always an emotional mess after they drop their kids off for the first time. I know in my head that daycare is good for Miller and for me but man, I have been a bundle of emotions today. I think I have cried three times already and told Ryan I don't want to send him to daycare. What's wrong with me? Why has all reason left my brain and all I want to do is hold my baby and snuggle him?

To top it off, I am trying to put myself on a pumping schedule similar to one that I would be on if back at work. It isn't going so well and today is the first day. Besides the physical aspects, I think I am also emotionally torn about starting on formula and cutting back on breast milk. Again, reason and reality are being skewed by some crazy "mom-emotions." Pregnancy and motherhood certainly mess with your emotions and brain. I guess I know why all mom's are considered crazy by their children at some point in time. It's because they are crazy with love for their children and that tends to cloud the brain that used to not worry about things that are only a priority once you are a parent. No pregnancy book warns you about that. Uff.